What are the different celebrity lists (A-list, B-list, C-list, D-list)? How does one become a part of these lists and move up or down in status?

C- These are the actors who you don’t know the names of but you’ve seen in everything. It’s a good deal if, no matter what, you like to get yourself some bumper. Girls who recognize you from television are going to misremember your name even if you’re Orlando Bloom as part of a conversation starter — “Didn’t I see you in that thing?” or “You’re Paul Walker, aren’t you? No ma'am, I’m Jeremy Renner.” Now the anonymity you’d think would be it’s own career-ending poison, right? It seems like a rough deal but there is a kid…he had glasses, and was kind of chubby but it was the Chris Hayes glasses and the square face…during the 2000s this guy found a way to be in maybe a dozen movies involving teenagers including Superbad (at Jules’ party)…until a director went “YOU!” and made him the star of the movie Sex Drive.

A- Brad Pitt, Tom Hanks, Sandra Bullock, these are people who headline films, cause lines. These are girlfriend movies they star in. Highest quality…according to the most amount of people. Kids can go to them usually. Date movies and ones with families are ideal, they’re two or more expensive theater experiences for the price of one. Most if not all movies — definitely the ones between May and July and then the holidays — they make them for your girlfriend. And the heads of these projects are guys who don’t let the female writers on their staffs into the writers room to talk about female subplots. So you can imagine what they think about your happy relationship. To them, the downside to a woman’s sexiness is that she’s not fun in the way that you and me are, which means she’s a subject for siding with the disease instead of the cure on anything meaningful and important. These men hate lawyers, thus they make good guy lawyers. Every lifeguard they know tells them they’re fat. So there’s a whole League of Extraordinary Lifeguards in Baywatch. Little Bill from Boogie Nights killed himself essentially for deciding to make guys who can steal his girlfriend…his freaking peer group. That’s the mentality they’re using that prompts suits and ties alone to be an aspiration rather than an unfortunate symptom. Your girlfriend is why Friday Night Lights was possible. Not North Dallas Forty. They’re not making anything that makes the NFL look bad. Playmakers’s demise proved that. But Friday Night Lights is a girlfriend show because they figured — who else would choose to invest themselves into the academic futures of boys who trip and give wedgies to smaller boys with troubles at home?

B- These are the toughest spots to be in. The ones who everyone knows has ambition to be a star but isn’t one. Holy shit I’ll bet it’s like being Bea in Wentworth if you can’t make it in a single shot with a single well-timed prepared burst like a musician does. I could only imagine how many kicks downward occur after you ice the Season 1 villain but in real life Hollywood. You should see the things that black talent says Oprah does. She acts the way you’d be paranoid of from your towns far away from Hollywood. These are all B-List stars who called out Oprah. Ones who you maybe wouldn't go through the agony to see in a theater by themselves but are still massively massively talented and usually held back due to the things we love them for. Like Robin Harris. He’ll be the co-star in Kid N Play’s movie. He’ll be the star…of a cartoon movie (Bebe’s Kids), but in those days he’s not helming massive budget films as the headliner. A B-lister is also someone like Diane Keaton or Whoopi Goldberg or Arnold Schwarzeneggar who everyone knows is an A lister but are just too obscure for 15 year olds to be the big headliner attraction on a Friday night during a school year. Sydney Sweeney? That’s an A lister but the knives are out. There’s already videos about how she lies all the time. Amy Schumer was on her way to being an A lister but they found out she was a joke thief. Frankie Shaw’s show “SMILF” was made by someone I thought was going to be big. Because Shaw gave us a hot sex scene and she’s a Boston Celtic fan with the last name Bird who named her kid Larry. They were making a whole show based off spying on me. But Shaw then got in some shit too and that’s why SMILF was cancelled. It came on after Shameless and stood for Single Mom I’d Like To F-.

How good do you sing and how do you know this?

D- You’re still marketable if you’re a D Lister, and just like everyone from this point on up — they can finish, complete, and perform with perfection. They are a form of amphibious turtles in a world of “no turtle, fuck you”s, so once they got their first “yes”, they’re trapped. More then likely they’ve got shoddy management, which is an enormous domino in their stained career because it’s like being caulk that doesn’t helpfully ooze itself into the trouble spots. Bad families? Dan Schneider? These are symptoms of bad managers. They cause Nickelodeon’s recent special I saw — how many hot girls or even shady acquaintances or co-workers you know don’t have at least ONE big schmuck friend/hopeful lay ready to step in and beat a guy like Schneider’s ass? An agent doesn’t have to be a fucking genius to find one, and they didn’t. And Kathy Griffin. Griffin — who you all might know from the bloody Trump head — is the one who had the show “Life On the D List”. Tarantino dated her in the 90s along with Mira Sorvino, and she’s a rival to Jerry Seinfeld on his show because she takes gossip even on Seinfeld and makes a stand-up act from it. She might be annoying to some, and I don’t particularly rush to turn her specials on, but I’ve seen all her stand-ups because they are SOAKED with shit talk about people you know. Josh Graben on January Jones and why he dates so many different women all the time — “Well my dick’s not gonna suck itself.” Kathy Griffin brings it, man. I’m telling you. But Griffin is an example of what it takes really to be really really hated but still be a D list success story. She has one weapon and that’s memories about these people. Truman Capote was D List shit. Capote wasn’t hindered by a sexual attraction to women, so he was an expert at getting those who love women and/or are women…to read about them. Because while a man who wants to lay a woman might concern himself with making himself less available and more mysterious as to not end up being their girlfriend…this motherfucker spread his girlfriends’ gossip. And unlike if the average American backstabber did, Capote’s notes were insider stuff that 99 percent of women were not privy to. This is something you only see today from people like Kathy Griffin — who see no upside in NOT doing such a fucked up, blender-to-a-career-and-lets-see-what-pours-out thing as Capote. MAD TV was D-List shit. The problem was…the actors didn’t realize it. Alex Borstein and Jordan Peele are the only ones to make it to where they originally thought MAD TV would take them. But they’re part of the Screen Actors Guild. They’ll work odd jobs and any boss who recognizes them will worry about them vanishing if they’re smart, because a SAG card means you can return to glory at any…moment…the phone rings, baby.